He's almost everywhere these days isn't he? Where on earth does he find the time? Given the size of our nation state it’s a wonder the poor boy ever sleeps. Nonetheless Senator Ozouf always come across to me at least as somebody who can't quite believe their luck - A bit like The Kaiser Chiefs. And I figure they are right not to believe their luck. Their massive success is, frankly, unbelievable. Lead singer Ricky Wilson, rock hero and former balloon-animal party entertainer, famously said he would, 'wank a tramp for fame'. That got me thinking about Ozouf's very straight and very hard career path to date. Of course in the case of The Kaiser Chiefs this was meant as a typically affable and self deprecating joke. Although now that Ricky has achieved his fame, we should maybe consider conducting an experiment into what he might do to hold onto that fame. Similarly the Treasury Minister. Whichever way you slice it I reckon it would not look very pretty. Worse even than Mike Vibert at the St. Helier hustings. Hi Mike - miss ya xxx. The Kaiser Chiefs actually rolled up stinking of desperation, like a junkie child actor trying to get an audition for a frozen peas commercial. But what's scary is that now that they've had the taste god knows what they'd be capable of.
Of course, everyone is supposed to be middle of the road nowadays. Ozouf stood barefaced in a room full of Drug & Alcohol workers recently and claimed he was a 'fluffy liberal'. Ah bless! And even new wave guitar tykes who sing 'state of the nation' songs about riots are typically non offensive. From occupying the cutting edge of Western social advancement (in terms of sex, class, race, peace...ya know... the big stuff), albeit often not that seriously, many bands now seem to find the cutting edge a bit, well, sharp. And, unfortunately, quite creakingly edgy.
The Kaiser Chiefs were apparently mildly perturbed to learn that up and down the country local police played 'I predict a riot' before heading out on Friday nights. But this is hardly in the same league as Reagan who recently appropriated Springsteen’s 'Born in the USA'. In that instant there weren’t any messages to re-write. Rather like the smooth political transitions from Walker to Le Sueur and supposedly onto Ozouf. Anyway it's surely the Kaiser's to a tee: X - Factor indie, ideal for helping psyche up coppers for a night out belting binge drinkers. It's only a bit of fun ay ma cock!
Of course, The Kaiser Chiefs are just one of the new wave or careerist bands who’s (like careerist politicians) careerism makes them nowhere near interesting enough to sustain a career. It’s often all in the name. Jersey Live regulars The Kooks sound quite kooky. I've met them. They're bloody not though. They're just called The Kooks. This doesn't mean that 'Britain's new favourite band' (NME 2007) have to in any way be even remotely 'kooky'. Its only empty words. Are you starting to make the connection?
Other Jersey Live regulars The Futureheads, meanwhile, sound all futuristic. They're not though. Unless your idea of sounding like the future involves bands sounding exactly like they did back in 1979. In the same way that our current COM sound like their policies are from the age of Claree Du Pre and Cyril Le Marquand. They should in fact be called The Pastheads. This is wormhole rock, studiously aping music that was already slightly too studious to begin with. And it’s been going for bloody ever. In full swing since 2001 at least, when the New York bands 'Radio 4' and 'The Rapture' decided okay bands like The Gang of Four and XTC were actually the best bands of all time. Ever. The only bands, in fact. So by now, this post punk revival has lasted longer not just than the original post punk revival, but longer than the original punk, post-punk and the bit that came after post-punk put together. Now that's entropy my friends!
Remember The Ordinary Boys? Not the COM the pop band! The Ordinary Boys sound ordinary. And, to be fair, they are. Lukewarm retreads of other people’s music and lyrics (to the extent of just wholesale quoting of lyrics, phrases and song titles) are always going to be pretty 'ordinary'. Yet they claim to be both Ordinary and fairly 'extraordinary' all at the same time. Preston, the lead singer, was once asked: 'Preston what?' He said: 'Just Preston. Like Madonna.' Preston what indeed, we may rightly ask. He also claims his songs are 'British satire', which they are in a way, but not the way he had intended. Reffering recently to his appearance on Celebrity Big Brother, he said it ok was for a 'punk' because the line between alternative and mainstream is now so blurred. Whadayareckon Rico? Yes, it is sort of punk-rock of the mainstream to embrace the alternative. It's kinda what the mainstream does though. Then the alternative has to be something else. Something progressive and forward thinking. Otherwise it's not the alternative. Try not to think about Phillip Ozouf at this juncture. So hey Preston, maybe you should consider re-naming your light entertainment troupe The Redundant Boys?
You can sort of understand the critics not exposing bands for what they are. In the same way our local media make such a poor effort with States members. They've all got their future lad-mag careers to think about. But other bands don't even slag them off anymore. Our popular culture is now almost totally anodyne. So here's a insult to start the ball roiling.. 'You journeymen merchants of ear-cack are happy to be lauded as 'artists' and avatars of a generation, yet you churn out the aural equivalent of gaudy, cart –strewn Turner landscapes that even makers of choclate box twee would consider a "bit hackneyed". For the easy to read local political insult simply replace 'artists' with 'ministers'.
Ricky Wilson is an arrant disgrace who is ideally equipped to play Buttons in a panto at the end of a pier that is not connected to any land. Other than to say that any sexually frustrated tramps out there might want to start forming an orderly queue. Now where is that busy boy Philip Ozouf when you need him?
